9.23.2005

Here I am. Gracing you w/ my prescence once again for yet another update.
So let's get started.

I feel like everyone's conspiring against me.

I'm depressed.

I don't want to be here.

There's so much to do that I don't want to do.

Everyone tells me what I should do with my life.

My wisdom tooth is growing.

Ouch.

I cry like I have fucking PMS everyday of my life.

The worst is expected of me.

Can I leave?

I hate fried shit.

I'm bored w/ my life.

I LIKE living in NYC.

I don't want to leave.

Get Over It.

Lui's 6 blocks away from here.

And I want to see him.

I can't.

So I'll sit here.

And type.

Words.

In a trendy format.

Because I care :).

...

No I don't.

No one's online.

No one to call.

I need a new job.

Seriously.

I'm dying here.

I should be cleaning my room.

Strangely enough, I'm not hungry.

I lost my Pre-Calculus Book.

Oh well.

Sometimes I hate the people closest to me.

And sometimes I have reason to.

I want to break in my sneakers.

They hurt my toes.

Senior pictures in two weeks.

Great.

Perfect timing.

When I'm at my most plain.

I lie a lot.

I don't feel so guilty about it.

My eye itches.

Do people actually read this stuff?

Why?

It's boring.

Has nothing to do with them.

I really should clean my room.

Crepes with Lui tomorrow.

And a random subway adventure.

A small vacation.

I want to get away.





7.26.2005

How it be, my public? I know you've missed me. You don't have to admit it. I understand.

So far summer has been super random. Mostly it has consisted of work, random trips around NYC and new episodes of Spongebob. It's frikkin' awesome.

So it all started with me being depressed because I didn't have a job and being so broke that it's surprising how well I functioned.
Till one day I got some random phone call. Long story short, I had a job by the end of the day at the Met earning $8.50 an hour.

Then! because of me working so much, Mom is more willing to let me out of the house. So where do I go? Well, Lui took me to his grandparent's house in Queens. Is it bad that I like his Dad's side of the family better than Mom's side? I can see where Lui gets his random humor from because they're just ridiculous... lol
On Sunday I went to Brighton and I met some of Lui's AGW friends.
...
lol. Beer is nasty by the way.

Hey! Did you know that you can use your Metrocard on the Roosevelt Island tram?! We sure didn't. However, as sweet as this is, there is only so much you can do on Roosevelt Island (Even though me and Lui went into a scary dungeon. It was horrible) so we went to Queens Center Mall. On this trip I discovered that I love Urban Outfitters and that I will cherish it always.

On Sunday, me and Lui discovered that us hanging out together is way more fun than us hanging w/ other people. Some people just can't appreciate a random adventure like we do. Miesha was complaining the whole trip to Brighton and I didn't know Lui's friends so I really had no interest in them. No offense to them. I can't talk to new people. It's so god damn difficult.

So it seems like tomorrow, I'm going to have a typical Lui day. Going to the FEEN GOD'S house. Mom thinks I'm going to work. I can never reveal my plans. NEVER!

7.05.2005

QUIZ TIME!


Take the quiz: "What'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=1988">"What does your birth month reveal about you?"

February
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent andclever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

6.16.2005

I hate people who take there life so seriously when really it means nothing at all.

6.07.2005

Well.. I'm here gracing you with my presence again. You should be excited. I feel the tension building up in your loins. Nana's posting and you're fucking AIR.

Things have been going better since the last time I posted. There have been some serious lows but right now I can say I'm in a pretty good place. I'm so close to being a senior, only two weeks left. My mother knows about Luis now and even though she tries to keep me from seeing him, she's failed each and every time. It also helps that now she works weekends. Free crib. It's definitley a cool thing. I pretty much figured out what school I really want to go to which really relieves me in all sorts of ways. And I'm in love. Yes, things have been going my way.

Right now my biggest issue is my mom trying to keep me from seeing Lui. I don't know.. she just makes me really sick sometimes. She wants me to talk to her and for me to WANT to talk to her. But how can I want to talk to a person who lectures me about everything and wants everything her way? I can't and I won't because I already know what she's going to say. And it pisses me off. Everytime she talks to me, she insults me by telling me I'm naive and that I don't know how men are. Why wouldn't I know? I have the world's shittiest father. I've seen a bad relationship first hand. I know what I'm doing and I don't appreciate someone telling me I'm not mature enough for a relationship. In her eyes, I'm not mature enough to do anything. It's obvious when she forces her presence on my life. It just frustrates the hell out of me when she's everywhere I fucking go. I'm not allowed to have a life because she doesn't and it's not fair. It's not my fault she's either working or at home all of the time. I let myself believe that shit for too long now. I refuse to feel like I did again.

I get the feeling that once I leave home, I'm never coming back.

4.05.2005

Jahleese is so cool.

So the last couple of weeks has been kind of bittersweet.
Since I hate to dwell on the bad, I'll just say it (or type it.. whatever) right now.
This house sucks. I mean it SUUUUUUUUCKS. hard. yes. I said hard.
My mother nags me for any little thing and she treats me like I'm still 13. Sometimes it frustrates me enough that I want to just tear everything apart. And whenever I don't do something, it can be the smallest thing, she starts freaking out on me and screaming at me like I killed someone. Lately it's been worse because i'm a total screw up when it comes to school. I just don't care enough to even attempt to do my work. The other day I skipped my classes because I just didn't feel writing.. or get bitched at for not doing my homework. My not doing homework has caught up to me. My mother basically told me i couldn't go anywhere until i made up all of that homework. Of course I didn't. I just lied and told my mother that I did lol. She'd like to believe that she is smarter than me. Nope. She doesn't care enough to actually check to see if i'm doing homework. Not that I'm complaining. I just hate when she bitches at me after she finds out that I'm not doing anything. I wish she'd just give it up. All she's really worried about is having to support me after high school. Well she doesn't have to worry about that at all. No sane person would ever want to be here. Just give up on me already because first chance I get, I'm giving up on her.

Now there has been one good thing that has kept me from falling apart these last couple of weeks..
Lui
LUI
LUI
It just feels good to have someone who knows exactly how screwed up you are and still care about you regardless. I feel like I can tell him anything and he won't make me feel like THE CASE lol.
I don't know. I'm not going to get into it because then I'm going to sound like a god damn Hallmark card. But I will say one thing..
Things are looking a lot sweeter

Later

2.25.2005

TempttheAnjel: MENTIRA!
ballsackusations: that means........?
TempttheAnjel: lie
ballsackusations: o ok
TempttheAnjel: spanish lesson!
ballsackusations: thanx. how much do i owe u?
TempttheAnjel: a swedish fish
ballsackusations: how about a half....its all i got rite now. times are hard
TempttheAnjel: bitch you get me my swedish fish!
ballsackusations: well being that fish is both plural and singular.....how many do u want now?

TempttheAnjel: i want... 30
ballsackusations: NO BITCH U SAID 1 BEFORE. GET UR SHIT 2GETHER!
TempttheAnjel: you know what slut? if you don't get me those damn swedish fish by TONIGHT! i'm going to send my men over to your house to fuck you up
TempttheAnjel: to you understand me!
TempttheAnjel: *do
ballsackusations: no comprendo. i only understand my fist going through ur face
TempttheAnjel: you have to go through Heidenreich before you get to me
ballsackusations: my ice bullet will go through him and leave no evidence
TempttheAnjel: you can choke on your damn ice bullet
ballsackusations: heidenreich can swallow my ice bullet
TempttheAnjel: Heidereich will slaughter your nose w/ his deadly rhymes
ballsackusations: or deadly breath
TempttheAnjel: whatever
TempttheAnjel: you're nose will be slaughtered regardless
ballsackusations: that dont have anything 2 do w/ my hand pullin that o so icy trigger. muahahahaha
TempttheAnjel: well then.. Snitsky eats ice bullets for his mid morning snack
ballsackusations: who the hell is snitsky?
TempttheAnjel: your maker. that's who he is
ballsackusations: nope god is my make
ballsackusations: *maker
TempttheAnjel: see that's a common misconception
TempttheAnjel: Snitsky created you for the purpose of eating you
TempttheAnjel: he eats people for brunch
ballsackusations: is he european?
TempttheAnjel: Snitsky is beast damnit
ballsackusations: he's a dirty european damnit!!!!!!!
TempttheAnjel: same shit fool!
ballsackusations: NOOOOOOOO!
TempttheAnjel: yes.
ballsackusations: so he's the std spreader huh
TempttheAnjel: he'll spread it to your spleen
ballsackusations: dont need 1 anyway
TempttheAnjel: you need your spleen to process ice bullets
TempttheAnjel: Snitsky will DESTROY you
ballsackusations: nope. i'll let him smell heidenreich's breath and he'll be finished
TempttheAnjel: Snitsky is immune fool!
TempttheAnjel: Don't you see?!
TempttheAnjel: Snitsky and Heidenreich are lovers!
ballsackusations: hmm....typical europeans
ballsackusations: sex w/ beasts
TempttheAnjel: Heidenreich is half beast
TempttheAnjel: so it's half the bestiality
ballsackusations: nope full
TempttheAnjel: can you computate math?!
ballsackusations: for his half that isnt beast, its full beastiality
TempttheAnjel: are you out of your mind?!
TempttheAnjel: it's more incest if anything!
ballsackusations: yup, nasty ass committing beastiality and incest all in one
TempttheAnjel: eating ice bullets reverses birth defects
ballsackusations: but he wont eat it if its going thru his heart
ballsackusations: and 2 male beasts cant have babies
TempttheAnjel: yes they can b/c their esophagus' run through their heart chambers
ballsackusations: fabrications. u should go tell ur duck tales to disney
TempttheAnjel: you go fuck disney
TempttheAnjel: i bet his corpse would really blow your mind
ballsackusations: cant do dust, so sorry
TempttheAnjel: just sprinle it on and let the orgasmic power activate
ballsackusations: did u vomit on urself typing and thinking that?
TempttheAnjel: lol
TempttheAnjel: just a little

A typical conversation btw. me and Esha